Scum Slum!

Car parking, S.P. rating 1. What car parking? There is no car parking, except on the home side and believe you me you don't want to be on that part of the ground either before or after the game. Therefore you have to take a chance parking on the street and that's no picnic either as you could find yourself half a mile from the ground very easily.

Ease of access: S.P. rating 4. Despite the long walk from the Industrial Estate [reminiscent of the infamous hen-run at the Oval], when one gets there getting into the ground is no great difficulty. On the down side there were only two turnstiles and I wonder how they would cope with a large crowd of fans arriving at the same time. Staff were courteous to the point of being friendly.

Spectating facilities: S.P. rating 2. This is a huge bone of contention with United fans. You either pay £10 and sit in the stand where the view isn't great, building is too low and too far away from the action or you pay £8 and stand behind the goals where the view is pathetic to put it mildly. Oh for the good old days when we had access to the terracing opposite the stand and the fans brought a bit of atmosphere to the whole thing.

Toilets: S.P. rating 5. I'm giving them a generous mark here maybe as I didn't inspect them fully, just nipped in for a quick slash before the game and unhygenically didn't wash my hands after [well I'm a bachelor at heart, ain't I], so I can't comment on the had-washing facilities.

Playing surface: S.P. rating 5. Again I'm probably being generous here, but there always seems to be good football played here, well when the Sky Blues are there anyway. One thing that always puzzled me was why it was hard to tell when the ball was out of play along the touch lines? I have no answer for this personally, but it was always a strange anomaly associated with the home of the Scum. There also appears to be a slope from the centre of the pitch to the 'home' goal, probably an optical illusion [just like the Coleraine income tax bill].